It has always taken me awhile to bounce back into the dating scene after a breakup…usually well over a year just for a simple date!
I always thought it was unfair to date someone if my mind was elsewhere…I’m not present. I still stand by this however I may have taken my own words too literally in the past. First of all, I’m a dweller. I dissect the past for MONTHS. Then I tell myself to STOP for, again MONTHS all while praying that I wake up the next day not thinking about him…and the next…and the next. Until one day I realize it’s been a good week…NOW IM READY…All 2 years later =/.
While I still think about him everyday, I’ve come to realize that at this point they’re simply that: thoughts. They’re no longer concrete. I’ve said everything I needed to say and I’ve prayed everyday. If he’s not back now, is he ever coming back? Waiting will only make me dwell more n more. It’s time for me to move forward. I’m not 100% but I’m at least 75-80% present. That’s enough to move forward to the next chapter, yes?
I took a leap and signed up for CMB. I’ll give it a week. Even if there’s no matches I at least took this leap. A part of me is proud of myself. The other part hates it completely as I’d much rather be elsewhere. But here’s the thing, elsewhere isn’t an option. I gotta deal with exactly what I have and what I have is CMB. Sending myself happy vibes (can I do that? I just did).
Cheers to moving forward…or staying in the same place. That’s good too sometimes.