To Cúng

Growing up in a Buddhist family, several times a year, we would have a family reunion where we would “cung ong noi” or “cung ba ngoai” Aka have a memorial service of family members whom have passed. It was always a great way to get the entire family together and feast to our tummy’s desire. 

Cúng actually means to worship. What usually goes down is we “give” our ancestors the things we have here on earth to remember them. Usually they’re flowers, chocolates, and well…a feast. Sometimes we even give them money to spend up in heaven. Essentially all things the family is eventually going to eat later on in the day…our ancestors get to eat first. 

I remember asking my Dad how come we only do a memorial on the day of their death and not the day that they’re born. I cant remember exactly what he told me but it essentially was along the lines of “birthdays don’t matter…that’s a western thing…it’s more of how you lived”. As a born and raised westerner…I think it’s nice to at least acknowledge birthdays…that’s the day we were blessed with their presence after all!!! 

Anyhow, today marked Brandon’s mother’s birthday. While we’re not together anymore, Brandon still means a great deal to me and I was somehow drawn to cung for the first time. And when I say first time…I mean that I did all this on my own…without the suggestion of Mom, Dad, or any other family member. 

I made the decision to buy flowers a week ago with no intention to cung. Somehow last night I figured why not also buy cake? And while I was at Central Market…I figured why not share my lunch with her?? So I did. While I’m at it, I might as well light up a candle and say a prayer. So I did: 

I’m 26 years old and while I have lost, I definitely have never lost someone so close to me. So I can’t fully comprehend and understand the trials and tribulations people go through when they’ve lost someone so dear to them forever. No one and nothing has ever led me to want to “worship” someone, at least on my own doing. So I’m not sure what exactly drew me to all of this…I just felt like I should celebrate and honor her today. She has never met me and has absolutely no connection with me except that I dated her son. Either way, I hope you had a good birthday, Mrs. Arcilla and that you continue to watch over your amazing family. 

(Reblogged from sheslikeaghost)
If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.
Steve Jobs (via glamour)
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Lo Siento

For the 4 people that actually follow me on both Twitter and this sad little thing of a blog now…I apologize for my sad-haterade-emo posts. 

I’ve been told that I’m terrible at expressing feelings and I’ve definitely been reprimanded for it. My heart has been broken again so I’m trying to express. I know it’s annoying because I hate reading people’s sad rants too. At first it’s “aww poor you” then it’s like “shit do something about it then!” 

Well Twitter and sometimes here is one of my do something…my way of letting it out. It’s an outlet for me to talk to the masses and let whomever want to speak back to me…whether that be you, God, Jesus, or the Universe. I hate having to repeat myself so twitter/tumblr it is. And really I’m not necessarily seeking concrete answers…I just need an outlet. Be thankful I’m not pouring this all over Facebook. OLAWDDDNAWWW. 

Overall I am doing well. I have a million things to be blessed about and I acknowledge them every day. They’re what is keeping me afloat. I’m impressed my dietary and physical activity behaviors have not changed. Deep dark depression usually leads to not eating. But my diet is normal and I’m working out probably the same amount to stay fit/sane. Friends and family have been WONDERFUL and they’re all blessings as well. So much love.  

Things just arent feeling aligned and I’m trying my best to fix it.

Thank you for your time and patience. 



(Reblogged from npr)

What I Would Tell My 19 Y.O. Self

You’ve made the right decision to be with him. He’s not “the one” and you know that but he’s definitely a keeper. He’s your first love and the next years you have together will definitely shape who you are. But listen, while he isn’t “good on paper”, he’s a good guy. Don’t be so embarrassed that you’re dating him. People will ask and they damn well already know. Just confirm it. Every denial of the relationship to the public is a punch to his throat. He’s wonderful and while he can take the punches, he doesn’t deserve it. HE ADORES YOU. Every part of the relationship he wishes he could shout it out for everyone to hear…let him. 

21 People On What They Would Tell Their 19-Year-Old Selves

  • Jonathan, 55: There is no such thing as “the only one”. You will meet lots of “the ones”. Only commit when the timing is right for the both of you – that can take years for some, and that’s okay.
  • Miranda, 24: Drop pre-med.
  • Isaac, 48: Deodorant does not count as a shower, and that haircut only looked good on Bon Jovi.
  • Anya, 42: Make the conscious decision to be happy, and then stick with it. Society will do everything in its power to convince you that your personal happiness is dependent on something external – beauty, success, wealth, etc. – it isn’t.
  • Parker, 55: 60% of the things you think are important now won’t matter a whit to you by the time you reach 50. The trick is to figure out the important 40% and work it.
  • Megan, 34: He doesn’t love you, and you will be okay.
  • Peter, 58: Don’t let anything stand in your way of taking part (or all) of your junior year abroad. You’ll never again have quite the same opportunity to experience a foreign land, for an extended period of time, in your youth. It is destined to be one of the most memorable aspects of your life.
  • Eleanor, 67: Talk less. Listen more.
  • Donald, 27: There’s a huge difference between who you want to be and who everyone around you wants you to be. Figure out which is which.
  • Camille, 56: Always remember: when falling off a horse, pull your tongue in.
  • Jackson, 57: No one knows anything for sure. They’re all just doing the best they can with what they have, just like you.
  • Vicki, 47: You’ll never have all the answers, so make every question count.
  • Donald, 38: You don’t have to grow up to be the dad you never had.
  • Katelyn, 30: Make the most out of college. You will never again be at a place where your only goal is to learn. Learn a lot, learn often, and learn with reckless abandon.
  • Joshua, 55: Women love to laugh.
  • Annabelle, 38: Drugs are not beautiful, glamorous or opulent. They are not a remedy, a solution, a cure-all, or a cure-anything.
  • Colin, 50: You miss so much life when you sleep until 3 PM. Wake up to see sunrises; they are the most stunning of nature’s masterpieces.
  • Eleanor, 26: Eating two pints of ice cream won’t make you happy. Neither will sprinting 10 miles. Be nice to yourself.
  • Aaron, 52: Don’t forget to ask that girl in the Oberlin library what kind of perfume she’s wearing. You’ll buy it for her in 20 years.
  • Scarlett, 54: Don’t be afraid to be yourself. Those that get you will love you, those that don’t, well, their loss. Just remember: Wherever you are, it’s a party.
  • Zack, 9: I hope you’re awesome. And be nice to girls.
(Reblogged from lilyskinned)
(Reblogged from nauhtmyblog)